Overwhelmed!!!

I try not to be negative on this blog.  I try really really hard, but the last couple weeks I have felt nothing but overwhelmed.  It has been really hard around here and at times it is just too much.  Sometimes I wonder how Im going to make it through the next couple of years.  Most nights I wonder how I am going to get out of bed in the morning.  It is an overwhelming feeling and I try not to look too far into the future, but I am SO looking forward to the END of Cami's pain and suffering (or chemo) that it is hard not to look forward and then, when I do, I get overwhelmed all over again.  

  The last few weeks I have felt pulled in so many different directions I feel like my head is going to BLOW!  I have been constantly stressing; about decorating for the holidays, Christmas shopping, cleaning, giving the proper attention to Caden, pill schedules, hospital visits, side effects, fevers, leg pains, nausea, and Cami even started having chest pains which had us all freaking out.  Everything has just been so darn OVERWHELMING!!!  Most days it just feels like too much to bear and I usually end up going to bed without a shower or without even looking in the mirror.  Please do not be alarmed when you come to visit and I am still in my PJ's with ratty hair and un-brushed teeth at 3PM, its really me under all that mess...I promise.  Do not be scared.

The last 2 weeks have been hard for our family, but pure torture on our poor Cami.  Watching her go through so much pain has been so hard for all of us to watch.  Things have been miserable for us all, but mostly for her.  Most of the time she just lays around the house staring off into space.  She has been in a pain/steroid/toxin/prescription daze the last 3 weeks.  

This was her favorite place to lay...and stare...and lay some more.  Occasionally yelling at one of us for more food or to quiet down because of her pounding headache 

(steroids taking effect here).  

We have been getting less and less of those adorable Cami smiles.  

You can just tell she doesn't feel good.  

coloring and writing is her escape when she is feeling yucky.  Its kinda weird though, she will just write a bunch of random letters all over a page.
It is wacky what those drugs do to a person's mind.  

Before she started this phase she had some hair growth coming in, but a few weeks after that harsh chemo hit her system and it is falling out again...

This is her new form of "brushing" her hair, well its the opposite really.  

Here's what she got...

(we went through the entire lint roller!  Now her cute little head is bald once again)

 Just when I thought I was feeling so OVERWHELMED I couldn't feel another ounce of emotion... AMAZING things start to happen and I am overwhelmed yet again, but this time I am overwhelmed with joy, love, happiness, and gratitude...  

First, a good friend, Denise sent a sweet letter into a local radio station nominating Cami (and our family) for their "Secret Santa".  Each day on their morning show they surprise one family with gifts, prizes, money, support, and hugs.  Pat answered the door and standing there was a stranger.  She handed him a phone and he was live on the radio.  Soon after, she started bringing in gifts.  I was upstairs asleep because I had been up with Cami the entire night before.  My mom called me down and I was so confused to see strangers bringing gift after gift into our home.  Stacy (the lady DJ) hugged me and explained what was happening.  I started to bawl.  We SO needed this boost.  What a way to wake up!  I cant even talk about the sweet letter Denise wrote without tearing up.  She is an amazing friend who showered us in love when we needed it most.  Thank you Denise, and thank you 97.1 ZHT for brightening our day.  It is amazing to know, see and feel how much people care!

They found out that Cami LOVES the movie Tangled (even though she has hasn't even seen it yet...silly girl) so they got her the Tangled dress, and wig (plus lots of other awesome stuff), but Cami was a little out of it and "spacing out" when they came.  Later that day, after a good nap, she opened up all her presents and wanted to get that wig on.  She didn't take it off all night!  I have never seen someone enjoy flipping hair around so much!  She was having a blast with that wig!  

Here is a copy of Denise's sweet letter to the station:
Camryn:  December 1st  

Although my true wish this year would be to cure my little 5 year old hero Camryn Carver of her cancer (along with her new friends she has met during treatment) I would be forever grateful if her, along with her family could receive some help with all of their medical bills this Christmas. This family has been through hell and back all while watching their savings dwindle while the medical bills keep coming in. Cami is in the most critial stage of her treatment and the next 2 months will be the toughest on her and her family. Let me just say that not only is Cami a loving, giving, and remarkable little girl but her entire family is the same way. When friends held a fundraisher for her back in October, her family shared the donations with others in their "cancer family" to help others in need. Please help. You can read all about her on her blog www.kissesforcami.com Thank you, God Bless, and Merry Christmas. 

***You can listen to Pat's radio clip here, just scroll down to "Camryn Dec. 1"***

Next, we get a call telling us that the Jazz Bear wants to pay Cami a visit!!!  WHAT!?!
...If anyone knows Pat they know about his deep-rooted LOVE for all things Jazz.  We were stoked, and since Cami only wants to go to the games to see this famous mascot, she was just thrilled as punch!  It was SO great to be able to remind Cami of her special visitor when she was feeling terrible, it honestly helped her to be so brave.

Here he is walking in, Cami was smiling again (after not smiling for 3 weeks) and I didnt want to take my eyes off her happy face.
It was SO incredibly wonderful to see that smile again.

He was so cute with Cami.  He gave her lots of attention and lots of Jazz swag.  

Don't worry, the bear took care of Pat too :)

Family pic-

Tony, Nat and Cute Callie got to come meet him.

Can you tell Tony is Pats brother...no resemblance right?

Cami's BFF, Elle Lee, joined in the fun too.  

Grandma Di-Di even got a Bear hug! 

What an amazing man... uhhh... I meant animal.

***They sent a camera crew and did a little interview, and made a clip of the Bears visit.  We soon found out that it would be played at some of the pre-games.  

Um, I would have actually showered had I known THAT ONE!!!***

  watch me embarrass myself here:

We have so many people reaching out to help.  

I know of 2 schools, a grocery store (Dicks in Centerville), and other fund raisers happening without us even having to ask (which is really hard to do)!  This particular fund raiser was put on by a family we don't even know!  Kayla knows Natalie (my sister-in-law) from High school.  She found out about Cami and wanted to do a boutique for her.  Natalie, Kayla, and Bonnie (Kayla's Mother-in-law) worked SO very hard on this boutique.  It was such a blast!  We took Cami over for about an hour and even though she wasn't feeling great she had a blast!  She was, once again, spoiled rotten!  Every vendor wanted her to pick out something from their booth.  She was beaming as she left with dance outfits, necklaces, face paint, and much more!  Thank you to Kayla, Bonnie, Natalie and all the vendors for participating and organizing this adorable boutique for our family.  We are FOREVER grateful!

Kayla, Cami and Nat  

Cami picking out a necklace-

My cute Grandma and mom came to support and get some Christmas shopping done.  

We had to get a 4 generation shot-

Here's Cami at home all dressed up in her new dance outfit, necklace and wings.  

When we got home from the boutique, our neighbor Dennis (who is the director of Legacy Prep Academy), brought over his choir to sing to us.  It was FREEZING, but they sang their little hearts out and it sounded so beautiful!  

Thank you for braving the cold guys!  

They brought everything including a keyboard, drums, microphone, and director!

These are the same AMAZING kids doing a fund raiser for Cami.

Thank you for making this happen Dennis, it really brightened our day!  

***Cami is getting quite famous!  This special event also made the newspaper!  

Read the article here.***

These are just the acts of kindness I got pictures of.  There has been many dinners, babysitting, phone calls, emails, texts, treats, packages and comments that have been so extremely helpful.  So, once again, I am feeling completely overwhelmed.  I KNOW it is not a coincidence that these amazing things are happening to us during our hardest time.  I am so overwhelmed with the generosity and love from others.  It has been the best of times and the worst of times all rolled into one, but as the pain fades, the memory of these wonderful moments we've had will last forever!  I know these people have been sent to help us through this hard time, it is touching and humbling to feel our Heavenly Fathers love through the service of others.  I am so truly overwhelmed by the love I have for each of you who have touched our lives forever.

including those of you who read this blog...  

Thank you for caring.  Thank you for praying.  Thank you for reading.

I am now overwhelmed with tiredness.  

night-night.

XOXOXOXOXOXO