I have been dreading clinic for the last 10 days. When we got home from last clinic, Cami woke up with a high fever and a horrendous headache. She just cried and cried. We called her Oncologist- she sent us straight to the ER. Cami was either awake screaming or dosing off in the car the entire ride out to Primary's. She was in pain and it sucked. When you go into the ER carrying a child with a bald head they take you right back... no waiting when you have Cancer- its kinda scary. After giving her some antibiotics, tylenol and checking her blood they said she was getting a cold and sent us home. The next 5 days are a blurr. Cami was SO sick! She was nauseous, had horrible headaches and leg pain. It was bad! After talking to a few of my "cancer mom" friends I figured she had gotten a bad spinal tap but there was no way of knowing for sure if that was the case or if it was the higher dose of chemo giving her those side effects. I felt so bad for little Cami, and there wasn't anything I could do for her. It was heart breaking! After about 5 days she started feeling better and the headaches passed. BUT...I just kept thinking about our next clinic and the HIGHER dose of chemo that was to come. Cami's home care nurse came to draw some blood and check Cami's counts on Wednesday. Sure enough clinic called and told me counts were high enough to up her dose again. I didn't sleep that night knowing I had another week of vomit, screaming, and watching my child in pain. I was dreading clinic, but I got up the next morning and forced a smile. I asked Cami if she was ready to go do a craft and see her friends at clinic... all the while thinking: ready to get stuck by a giant needle and pumped full of poison while they try and distract you? We made it to clinic and it was the same old drill: Waiting room, craft, vitals, poke, talk to Doctors, Dr. exam, Methotrexate infusion, Vincristine push, flush line, remove dressing, de-access port, make appointment for next time. The Doctors were a little worried about Cami's walking. She is beginning to get a side effect from the Vincristine called "foot drop". They brought in a physical therapist to asses her. She showed me some exercises she can do at home to re-train her legs to walk correctly before it gets worse. After clinic we went home and Cami fell asleep. This is exactly what happened last time so I was gearing up for her to wake up in pain and agony. She slept until 6. Pat ended up waking her up, she woke up with a HUGE grin on her face. She said her legs hurt a little, but NO headache and NO nausea! After I gave her medicine for her leg pain she was dancing around the house like nothing happened that day. We watched her like hawks that night, but she was normal and this morning she woke up as happy as can be asking to go to school. I am BEYOND relieved!! I guess last week it was just a REALLY bad spinal tap after all.
I know it is only going to get harder and harder to take Cami to clinic. It seems like the minute she starts feeling better, its time to go get more chemo which will just make her sick all over again. Im not going to sit here and say it is easy taking my daughter to get poked, and pumped full of medicine and poisons. She cries and begs to go to school instead. Its not fair for her and its painful for me to force her to do something that is SO not fun. It is HARD, but I think of it as short term pain for a long term gain, and it will all be worth it in the end. I read this quote today (on facebook of all places) and it fit perfectly-
"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere."
-Frank A. Clark
This quote can be applied to almost anything in life, but right now its all about cancer for me and I am just so grateful that this week we have a lot less obstacles than we did last week.
Making a fun spider Halloween craft-
waiting..waiting..waiting for the Docs to come in.
Loving the spider friend she made (his name is spook-fluff).