Hearing that your child has cancer is one of the most devastating, life altering things a parent can hear. It feels like your whole world is caving in on you all at once and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Its was a HUGE "perspective moment" for me. Suddenly the pile of laundry, what to make for dinner, the disagreement with Pat, the spilled juice on my newly mopped floor all just don't seem to matter anymore. It still takes practice, but I am trying my hardest to appreciate my kids, to listen to what they are saying instead of just nodding and saying "oh, thats great honey". Im trying to soak them up. Enjoy every second I have with them.
This is all so easy to write about as I am typing and they are sleeping (looking so cute and peaceful), but it is a lot harder to put it into action on a day to day basis. At times it seems impossible to be loving, gentle and kind when life is happening and things get crazy all at once.. when all I want to do is pull my hair out and scream!! Lately Caden has been getting his 2 year old molars- that combined with not being able to go anywhere and being shipped off to babysitter after babysitter he has basically been a nightmare. At times the last week I have wanted to scream and lock myself in my room.
Then today I was given another "perspective moment". I think we are all given these events or moments in our lives where we are forced to take a step back and think to ourselves: I can do better. I will never take my loved ones for granted again, even through the hard times. Its actually following through that's the hard part.
Today was My Grandma Betty's funeral. Grandma was the sweetest, kindest, most loving, giving, thoughtful amazing woman. I wish I could show you all she did for her family throughout her life. If I could, I would show you the fabulous meals she made us, each one was set with china, linens, and a meal I couldn't describe even if I tried. I would show you her house, how organized and neat it always was and how she welcomed anyone and everyone to her perfectly set dinner table. I would show you her career at Hill Air Force Base and how she was the top ranked civilian (of men and women) when she retired. I would show you the amazing seamstress she was and all the gorgeous dresses she made all 6 of her granddaughters. I would show you so many things about this amazing Grandma of mine, but mostly I would show you what an example she was of putting her family first and loving us without judgment, or expectations. She was a great example to me, and I am so grateful I was blessed to have her as my Grandma. I am so grateful for the lessons she is teaching me even after she is gone. I know she is watching over our family and especially little Cami as she goes through this difficult trial.
If I could live my like with even a fraction of the love, grace, compassion, and service this woman lived hers I would be happy. What an example she was. I am so grateful that today I was, once again, reminded of how fragile life is and how fast it goes by. I sure needed that reminder because I was loosing it to a certain teething 2 year old.
Love you Grandma Betty, I cant wait to give you a big squeeze again someday!
Grandma Betty "soaking up" our sweet, newborn Cami.
You can just feel the unconditional love she has in this photo.